The worst thing that could of EVER happened...

happened to me! Well.....pretty darn close!! Now, most of you heard but some of you haven't! So this is mostly for my journal purposes. To start off it's been so long since my last post and I have tons to share and that stuff will come at the end of my story.

So it was New Years Eve day and we got hit pretty hard with snow most of the day. Towards the afternoon it quit snowing and started to rain. Which means ICE!!!! Our plan was to go next door and hang out with some of our best friends to ring in the New Year. Terry headed over and I stayed to feed the baby real quick before going over. I called Terry to tell him to come and help me because I needed some help carrying stuff. I bundled Stock up because it was so cold and I headed out the door..........to this VERY second I still get sick thinking about it! As I was walking towards the driveway I noticed the van had slid down the driveway almost into the street! The driveway was a thick sheet of ice. I took one step and.................. fell so hard baby and all!!!! WOrst moment of my ENTIRE life!! His head hit so hard!! I fell with my precious 6 week old baby! No words can express the feeling and explosion that went through my body and mind!!!!! He screamed and so did I!! We ran into the house where I noticed the big bump on the back of his head. I KNEW we had to go quick because I couldn't get that sound of his head hitting the concrete out of my head. We raced to the hospital! As we were driving I prayed, I freaked, I pleaded and begged in hopes that he would be okay!! I just sobbed and sobbed while I was trying to keep him from falling asleep. The " what if's" FLOODED my brain and I seriously couldn't shake the fact that I was responsible for whatever was to come. The sickess feeling a person could ever feel.

We pull up to the hospital and we run in and I had to tell the story over and over that I fell with my baby. I was a serious MESS! I mean when people say they were a wreck....it's true!! It's like a train hit me full force! They took us back and the DR looked in his ear and said....." ummmmm there's blood behind his ear". I seriously passed out!!! So they took him for a CT scan which showed........ he had 2 hair line fractures on his skull and a bleed and that he needed to be life flighted up to Spokane!!!! I was in HELL!! Sorry. But I was! I was living a nightmare. The guilt was unimaginable and hurt so bad!! We called family but of course NO one answered because they all thought we were calling to wish a Happy New Year...NOT! But within 10-15 min our phones started ringing and word was getting out! Now, I get motion sickness so bad and was so worried about flying with Stock. Plus, I was such a basket-case that I wondered if it would be better for Terry to go instead of me. The doctor thought Terry going would be better because of my condition. So, Terry gives Stockton a blessing to which I prayed again to Heavenly Father pleading to help us and not to take him and that everything would be okay! Stockton was being so good. He just laid there wanting to sleep because of the trauma but nurses wouldn't let him because of the pokes and tests.

The flight crew came and loaded my boys up.....( can I just say tears are just flowing right now as I am re-living this) they loaded them up to go to the airport. I kissed them goodbye and said I would see them soon. My SIL Annette drove me home to which now it's about 3:30am and I now had to figure out what the heck to do. Of course, everyone came together to help with the kids and my in-laws drove me up later that morning. We decided to try to get some sleep if any and wait to see if the roads would get better. When I got home I went and got Paige and Ty and brought them into bed with me. I couldn't fall asleep of course and held my kids and the phone, waiting to hear from Terry to hear if they got there okay. I woke up a couple hours later and got packed and ready to head out. Our bishop, bless him...he's the sweetest man ever! He came over to give me a blessing..... SO NEEDED!!! We then hit the road.

We got there and Stockton was in PICU. They took another CT scan and the bleed wasn't spreading which was great news. They kept such a good eye on him and did NUMEROUS nerve tests on him. He was released on Saturday January 2nd and we headed home! MIRACLE!!!!

I was not prepared for this........are we supposed to be?? What did I learn......... MY LIFE CAN CHANGE IN A BLINK OF AN EYE!!!!!!! I would hear about it and I did really believe and thought I understood it....NOPE.... now it's embedded into my heart and soul!!! When something happens like that to your child.......I can't begin to tell you the sadness and for me the horrible HORRIBLE GUILT!! Guilt that will be with me for a long time. I remember holding him in that hospital room bawling my eyes out from being so overwhelmed with heavy emotion. The peace I felt from all the prayers was amazing! I've never felt that before.

Stockton is doing so great!! He had his last CT and everything is healing wonderful! I feel so blessed, so loved, so lucky and so grateful for my life..... my life with Stockton! I look at him and sometimes cry with overjoy. My heart is full! Stockton is here and healthy. I love him and love Paige and Ty too!!! I'm not sure what I did to deserve this perfect little beautiful family but I am so HAPPY!! Thank you to those who prayed, called, emailed, cooked dinner, watched my kids and were there for us! Words cannot express the gratitude I have for you!! Thank you a hundred times over. xoxoxo















Okay, heres some stats on Christmas this past year 2009. It was the Parrish's year so we stayed in Kennewick. Terry's sis came and we ate and played the whole time. It was so fun! The kids loved waking up to presents from Santa and I loved taking pictures with my new camera! We had a great holiday with family!!! During that time we decided to bless Stockton! What a sweet time it was. I love hearing Terry give blessings! The day went by so fast! I am so grateful for a husband who honors the priesthood and does it well!! Thanks Terry!! xoxoxo

****************** Stockton stats**************

Well, life with 3 is normal now! He is such a cute and good baby! He smiles and coo's and snuggles. I love him so much. the kids help out especially Paige. It's so nice to have her feed him. O' BTW.... I dried up (like normal) and he's now on full bottles. Grrrrrr... O' well I tried like I always do but it's what's meant to be. He is starting to sleep through the night and is so good! He weighs almost 11 pounds and growing awesome. He has his 2 month ck up soon.

Yes, he's 2 months already!!! No way!!! Why does it have to go so fast?! Our family is now complete with him in it! Love you Stockton! xoxoxo